After three failed IUI's, we debated whether or not to proceed with a fourth or not. We only had roughly a 7% chance it would work for us but 400 dollars compared to the thousands for 1 round of IVF? We knew that was our next step starting in June anyway. We decided to do one more round of IUI and yet again it failed. It was the hardest IUI we did because my mind started to think about the what ifs. What if this doesnt take? What if we have to do IVF? I was just the final door in that part of the treatment. Yes we did have another door to open but that is still scary. I am a planner so in one aspect after it too failed, I was able to start planning and thinking about the next step and preparing myself. That did help a little. And then came Mothers day. That is almost a whole topic on its own. It is the worst day every year for those dealing with infertility. It is like a slap in the face. Everyone around you is happy. You go to church and they present flowers to moms for various reasons. You go to restaurants and mothers get half off. I would be a mom if I could but I can't! I am a mother to my dog, shouldn't that count? My husband worked that day, so I was on my own. I put on a fairly smiley face but inside my heart was melting. I just wanted to stay home by myself. I was blessed because my family didn't do the usual big lunch and was low key. No one has any idea what this day is like for us. I think in someways it would be nice for people in my situation to be acknowledged in some way and those mothers who are blessed with children pray for us that day. Maybe when I am through this process and this chapter in my life is closed, I will make sure that happens at my church. I do love my mom but currently I hate that day!
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