failed #2

The day prior to my blood draw, I went for a walk and just cried. It was me and Spanky. I asked God to please just give us a baby. I continued to talk and tried to listen throughout the walk, but God had a friend call and chat for a few. Seemed to help relieve some anxiety. Surprisingly the next morning, I work up with a sort of peace despite dreaming the night before I wasn't pregnant. I went for my blood draw that morning. I worked all day and was somewhat glad to have some distraction. It was a long wait for the results. I kept waiting and waiting. Finally on the way home they called....NEGATIVE! Again! I got off the phone and just cried. How could this happen again? I didn't call the hubby on the way home, instead just walked in the door and started crying again. We just sat on the couch and hugged each other. Now there is a total of 5 babies we have in heaven. I know in my mind that God has a plan for us and it is bigger and better than ours, but my heart still hurt. I was relieved to know that my husband was upset too. It was a rough night.