last transfer

Third time is a charm! We went this am and both little 'babies' are growing and look pretty good. Could be a little better but that is ok. We will take it. My uterus was not so cooperative this am but did get them in and was so cool to see them appear on the ultrasound. We even got a pic - the first of many ultrasounds to follow :)  That is what I told them anyway. Before we started I told Dr M how thankful I am of her regardless of what happens and how much we Love her. I teared up some but just in case I don't see her, I wanted her to know. We got home and Spanky and I have been laying on the couch. Hoping to lay out in the sun some too. I do feel a little crampy today, not sure I remember that from before. Will see how things go. Can only pray and do have some amazing and many friends and family that are doing that. We are truly blessed with the support we have.

day before

So it is the day before the last transfer. I had another acupuncture today, last for about 10-12 days. I am a little anxious but excited as well. I am somewhat surprised that I am excited because we kept putting it off for fear of dealing with the emotions. I do think the acupuncture has helped to relax me. Dr M is happy with the lining which is good, but know that doesn't guarantee anything. I have really been trying to stay positive about this round. I am trying to push the worries and anxieties away and let God take care of them. That is what He wants us to do.

watching others

I have found the last few days a little more difficult. I have watched those who were pregnant around or within a month of our first IVF have their babies. I am seeing pics all over and a part of me is upset because that means ours would be about a month old by now. I am glad it has worked for them but sometimes feels like a stab in the heart because I want that me be us. I know this is part of the healing process and I need to deal with this on my own. Some days are just harder than others. I hate the feeling of jealousy because we are not to want and be jealous of others. I am trying to push those feeling away but just being honest for others who may have the same feelings.

soon

Tomorrow is my next dr appt. It is tentatively the last one before the transfer. I am somewhat nervous, not really for the appt, but more because I have to start THE shots again. That I am not looking forward to. One would think it gets easier, but it does not. I am getting excited for the transfer. I do feel good this round. I feel strong and hopeful. It is definitely different from last round. I did try almond milk - vanilla - today as part of my yen diet and I thought it was good. I did it with cereal and strawberries and almost tasted like strawberry ice cream cone...yum! One good thing I found today. Hoping ultrasound and blood work looks good tomorrow.

prayer

3rd cycle starting

I have started meds to enter officially (other than birth control pills) into the 3rd cycle. I must say that I am feeling pretty good with the acupuncture and diet adjustment. I am not sure if the medications are making me crazy - you will have to ask my husband that. lol. I am slightly anxious about it but trying not to think. I have a vacation we are leaving for so that is helping to keep my mind off of it and focused on something else. I am glad to be moving into this last transfer so we can find out the next plan for our lives. I think I can speak for both of us when I say that. We have an amazing support system and lots praying for us! This can all only help.

moms day

So tomorrow is moms day and we who are going through this journey know how difficult it can be. We tend to have emotions that creep up that day. I want you all to know, it is ok to not want to go to family get togethers. It is ok to want and to do something for yourself. It is ok, as long as you are open with your own mother and give her a card or something early. I think that most mothers/families will and should understand. For us who have lost many children along the way may grieve some that day and it is ok too. I just want to encourage you to love yourself tomorrow and I will be praying for all of us who are in this journey. We are all strong women and I hope that you can find peace and know that you are not alone! Those of you who are reading this that have family dealing with infertility, pray for them tomorrow and let them know you are there for them.

yen diet

My acupuncturist gave me a book called the Infertility Cure examining acupuncture and infertility. It is interesting and had a section in it about our eating habits. I read through the book and according to ancient chinese medicine - i have spleen deficiency mostly. I verified that with Kirsten. I decided I would try to change my diet to help as well. I tried to follow it but found to be somewhat difficult. Here is what it included: pumpkin seeds, walnuts, cooked dark green and winter veggies like broccoli, cabbage, kale, brussel sprouts. Also what meats I did eat, were to be organic, and encouraged to eat more fish - cooked, wheat flour, no sugar and min dairy. The dairy is hard. She told me to refrain from ice cream - that is the worst. I needed to 'warm' my uterus and am not to use any ice in my drinks either. I did pretty good but had harder time eating cooked veggies in the beginning and then in then more recent have been harder to avoid ice cream. It has been so nice out. I must day I did feel better and loose a few pounds at first, but think that is mostly due to change in diet. It is nice. I hope to keep it up throughout this process as best I can.

National infertility survival Day

So saw that today (the weekend before mothers day) has been designated for National Infertility Survival Day. It is great that people are recognizing the disease. According to the website, it is purposefully done the week prior knowing the emotions we are dealing with at this time. To me, we are all survivors. That includes those who have moved on and finally received the miracle of a child after treatment, to those who are still fighting to those who have moved on. We are all strong women who are 'surviving' this journey. Hats off to US today! Enjoy your day and make it all about you!
http://infertility.about.com/od/copingwithinfertility/a/survivalday.htm

acupunture

Today I tried acupuncture. Since we have had 2 failed IVF attempts, I thought would try something different. It was a little bit farther than I was hoping. It is another treatment that is not covered by insurance but guess a drop in the bucket in overall cost. I was a little nervous. My husband went with me so that was nice. He did not go back with me, but drove me there. Kirsten asked me some questions about history of our infertility as well as symptoms over the last year. Then she had be get into a gown and lay on the table. I closed my eyes as she placed the little needles (1 on head, abd and wrist then both shins and feet). It did not really hurt, just a little sting. Then she left and turned out the overhead light. I was to rest and relax. I focused a little on the needles because it was new, but overtime was able to feel myself breathing easier and relaxing some. I can for see myself sleeping possibly in future sessions. Today I was a little anxious as I was on call but think next week will go better. She did give me a book to read. This can only help, even if it is just with my overall anxiety.