bittersweet

Today I ran into a friend, that I am just starting to get to know. Anyway he was out eating lunch and for some reason felt the need to stop and chat. I really did 't have time as I needed to go to the other hospital to round but did anyway. We started chatting and one topic lead to another and got on adoption. I knew he and his wife had went through infertility and he knew mark and i were - thanks to my dad :). We chatted a bit and he told me about how they came to the conclusion to finally do it. He also talked about how his wife wasn't really keen on the idea initially. They seemed to have off and on talks about it and finally his wife did come around to the idea and they adopted a child internationally. It was a long process but worked out for them. It was good to hear some of a mans opinion on it all. It was also nice to see the struggles were very similar and they themselves are similar to mark and I. They did all kinds of traveling before they did finally adopt. They come from a religious background as well. It did give me hope that maybe in the end of all this heartache there is a happy ending....somewhere....sometime.

my prayer today

rough day

The last few days have been a little hard. I am not sure what is really triggering it. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant. I know that is not true but does seem to be a lot especially at work. It makes me happy for them but sad and wish it could be me. I know some of this is what I have previously said. I was watching an interview with Jimmy Fallon and he talked about him dealing with infertility. His wife and him decided to use a surrogate to have their baby and said even when looks like you can not go anymore do not give up hope. It makes me wonder if we should have done things differently. I am not saying I want to go back through IVF  but having hard time closing that chapter in my life. Last night I laid in bed and prayed that God either provide us a baby or take this yearning for one out of my heart. I an trying to be content but keep filling that want with vacations or buying things, but it is just not working. I only hope that things change in one of our hearts soon.

abused and neglected

Yesterday I was chatting with one of the docs I work with. We were talking about a place where children go who  are not doing well in foster care to regroup. These children are usually neglected or abused previously and range in age. It made me start to think about these kids. I told him a brief synapse of what mark and i have been doing this last year. He asked if we were interested in adopting. I am not sure this is for us. It is not something Mark seems interested in. However we briefly chatted about it. We feel bad for the children. They do not ask for that. They are stuck in homes with people who didn't care for them. They do need good parents to care and love for them, just not sure that is us. It would be a challenge for anyone and definitely need to both agree on doing it. It would need to be a joint commitment for anyone choosing to adopt or even foster. Something to really pray about.