month of prayer

A day or so after the baby shower I brought up an idea to the hubby. We decided (well maybe mark agreed) that for the next month we would each pray about what God wanted us to do regarding children. We are to keep an open mind and heart to try and really hear what he says. Then after the month is up, we will sit back down and talk about. As of now I still have this want for a child, most of the time. So I need to either move on completely or start looking at adoption. A few days after we decided this, I met a lady who is half owner of an orphanage in Ethiopia. Interesting. I have been praying for God to just yell it to us and put what ever he wants right in our face....

baby shower

It has been a while since I have been on. I guess in some ways that is good. I have been healing. I have been trying to find my happiness in my current life. I did go to my first baby shower in several years. Actually I was not even nervous. I did not buy the gift, just went in on a large gift with others. I think that helped. Also I went with friends and some of which do not have children either so the focus at our table was not on kids. It was nice. There was only 1 bad part per say. They decided to draw names and when your name was drawn you had to give parenting advise to the mommy to be. I started to fret a little. Unsure if I could hold in my emotions. I just started praying, please do not pick my name. I did start to think though what if they did. Luckily they did not. However if they had, my plan was to say "look at your child every day and remember they are are blessing and gift from God".  So the event ended and I was proud of myself for going and doing well. I can do this!